


Healing Harry

by kizkhalifa



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Depression, Dom!Draco Malfoy, Drinking, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Pierced!Harry Potter, Self-harming
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-08
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-11-29 10:29:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11438979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kizkhalifa/pseuds/kizkhalifa
Summary: Harry is hanging on by a thread after the war, and it is taking a toll not only on his friendships but on his life as well./ [MA. A/U. EWE. 8th Year. Please read warnings.]





	1. Reconciled

**Author's Note:**

> A/n: So I went ahead and decided to do this. I am leaving the first chapter as an epilogue, and here the story starts. [Pierced!Harry/PastelHair!Draco]
> 
> Warnings: Depression, please be advised. Please. Depression, flashbacks, drinking.
> 
> A/U. Draco Malfoy x Harry Potter. EWE. 8th Year. I don't own Harry Potter the books, the movies, or the stories. Nothing. I don't own 'em. I think we all know how that would go by this point if I did.
> 
> "Jesus Christ that's a pretty face.. the kind you find on someone that could save." - Jesus Christ, Brand New

Blonde hair and gray eyes, Harry couldn't think of anything else.  _Blonde hair. Gray eyes._  Well that and whisky. Lots of whisky. He was drunk, after all. Always drunk. Harry couldn't remember the last night he wasn't drunk.

_Blonde hair. Gray eyes. Whisky._

That's all that mattered anymore, wasn't it? What else mattered? Well maybe the shades of blonde..  _It was more white, it glowed. When the light hit it just right, it glowed._ That's how Harry remembered it anyway, he had searched all summer for someone with hair to match but hadn't found it. Hadn't found anyone with hair that glowed when the light hit it just right.

The last time Harry saw that hair it hadn't glowed, it was dirty. Blonde and dirty, he almost liked it better because it let him know it belonged to a human. A human that had been covered in cuts, scraps, burns, marks and dirt. A human that wasn't perfect and maybe that is how he had coped with it all. Maybe that was why Harry had saved his life.

_"You can't put him in Azkaban, because he was forced. He was protecting his family from death, he was saving his family. He lied for me, his mother lied for me and in the end I was able to defeat Voldemort. Draco Malfoy did the same thing, for his family, he doesn't deserve to die in Azkaban for that."_

And Draco didn't go to Azkaban, he was spared. That was all that Harry owed him and his family for what they did for him. A life for a life, and that was it... so why couldn't Harry stop thinking about blonde hair and gray eyes? He reached out grabbing another glass of fire whisky, sipping it as he laid back against the couch. It was his last night for the summer here at Grimmauld Place, tomorrow he would be starting eighth year at Hogwarts. He hadn't heard if Draco Malfoy was going back and he wasn't sure who to ask. The Prophet hadn't reported it, though they had reported practically everything else about the boy over the summer.

He was the most watched person, only because Harry wasn't ever out in the open and Harry had spoken for him so he was sure to be important. The world wanted to know how had Draco Malfoy changed and more importantly how was he going to repay the service to Harry Potter? Harry hated that, Draco didn't owe him anything. He owed Draco things. Well he had, it was a debt repaid now. As of three months ago, it didn't matter anymore.

Draco had donated money to the ministry, had helped rebuild it even, spent time at the school and helped rebuild it as well. He moved out of the Manor and gave it as an orphanage so children had a place to live. But who knew if he was going to Hogwarts tomorrow? Harry would just have to find out on the train. He wanted him to be there, it would make things better - it would be real then.

Everything else had changed, of course. The world was different. People were dead, gone, being forgotten... Hermione and Ron had each other, Ginny moved on from Harry. Who needed him anymore? His task was done - that's how Harry saw it. But how else could he see it through his drunk haze?

Hermione and Ron had been there every morning, every day trying to break through his exterior and walls - to no avail, Ginny hadn't wanted to move on as much as Harry had forced her away and why should she have to sit through torture? Why didn't Harry understand that? The world still needed Harry Potter, the world still wanted him but he didn't want the world anymore. So he drank. Locked away in his house, avoiding everyone - even Kreecher, only eating when he was forced to by the elf and drinking everything in sight.

Drunk was better because the memories didn't play through his head, he didn't have nightmares when he was drunk, he didn't hear their voices when he was drunk. All he saw was blonde hair, gray eyes and whisky. Nothing else mattered, the hangovers weren't even that bad anymore. It was bearable, and the hangovers were better than being sober because he could focus on the way his body ached, the way his head throbbed, the way his body convulsed all his food.

Drunk was better, hungover was nice, sober was worse.

* * *

"Are you drinking?" Hermione demanded and jerked the flask from Harry who scowled in response.

Ron watched a bit nervous as the other man jerked the glass flask back and took a swig, "it's just a little something to take the edge off, I'm not sure I'm ready for the fandom yet." Harry spoke smoothly, chewing on his lip. A ring was tucked between his teeth as he rolled the small hoop feeling it sliding through his skin with ease.

"Oh," Hermione nodded, "sorry, I guess I am nervous too..." Harry chuckled and tilted the container towards her offering a sip but she quickly shook her head no and sat back, "Malfoy is here, I saw him on the platform."

"Is he?"

"He was with Parkinson and Zabini," she folded her legs under her, leaning into Ron, "wonder if they all changed as much as him."

"Who knows," Harry shrugged, his hand shaking as he gripped the container. He wanted more, he needed more. It was all he could think about,  _blonde hair, gray eyes and whisky._ "If so this year might be boring."

Ron laughed, shaking his head, "I imagine this year will be far from boring, Harry. Maybe we can befriend the three. We'd be a group of six rather than 3."

"If you want more friends," Hermione answered, "we'll hang out with Luna, Neville, Dean and Seamus."

"Don't tell me you're going to go into this new world holding grudges?"

Hermione shrugged, "I just don't think they're the kinds of friends I want, really."

"We don't even know them," Harry whispered, "plus didn't Malfoy like donate his whole house and a sizable fortune to the Ministry?"

Ron nodded, "doesn't sound so bad when you don't have a Dark Wizard breathing down your neck."

"Might even be... human!" Harry gasped playfully, looking up when he heard the compartment door sliding open, Ginny stood there chocolates in hand.

"Hey," she started, stepping into the room. Harry blinked and sat back without a word, Ron and Hermione shifted uncomfortably, "I brought snacks," she started taking a seat next to Hermione and Ron, "last open seats, surprising really. Everyone keeps whispering about you three..."

"Of course they do," Ron shook his head, "dumb gits."

Harry stood up, "I'm gonna go for a walk."

* * *

By the time the train pulled up the station Harry was drunk and happy, he was leaning against Neville who was doing his best to support the other, "Harry c'mon, get it together!" He scolded as they traipsed down the stairs.

"I drank too much," Harry spoke and grabbed his wand, sobering himself slightly with a spell he had learned over the summer, then he stood up and patted Neville's back, "sorry mate." Neville stared in confusion as Harry walked ahead of him, the smell of whisky still in the air.

Harry was weaving through the other students ignoring the ones that hollered out hello's and gasped as he walked by, he moved quickly to avoid any type of conversation keeping his head down. He was on the verge of too tipsy and just drunk, he was riding the high with a smile was plastered on his face and with one more touch of his wand to his chest he performed a silent freshening charm that cleaned his mouth making him smell minty fresh as he approached the carriages. Hermione and Ron were standing by one, and climbed on after them, "where'd you go to mate?"

"I ended up running into Neville," Harry shrugged, setting back against the seat, "oi! Luna!" He called suddenly waving at the blonde girl with a wider smile.

"Harry," she answered and climbed up in the carriage, "you seem happy?"

"Ah, relaxed," he shrugged.

Hermione and Ron shared a look, then Hermione smiled with a mouthed, 'I told you so' to her boyfriend. "Good," Luna grinned and slipped her arm around his shoulders, "I heard about you and Ginny, I'm sorry."

"Oh, for the better," Harry shrugged, "she deserves better."

"Not to mention she isn't really your type," Luna spoke up, squeezing his shoulder. That's what Harry loved about Luna she knew things, some how, and never thought twice about spilling the beans.

"True," Harry agreed, drunk Harry agreed. Sober Harry would have just laughed or rubbed his neck or ignored the statement. Drunk Harry was easier to know.

The carriage started forward and Harry tensed as the bumpy ride shook them about, before becoming familiar. "So you excited for the 8th year?"

"I suppose," Harry shrugged, "I heard the dorms were shared for all of us?"

Hermione nodded, "since only what.. 40 of us came back or  _could_  come back."

Ron shifted, "all 40 of us crammed in a dorm, it'll be better than being in the Gryffindor Tower."

"Less cramped you mean," Luna smiled, she was still squeezing Harry's shoulders - who had tensed when Hermione mentioned the number of people coming back. "I think it will be fun," she continued, "seeing all the houses mixed together."

"It'll be different," Hermione smiled as well, "and interesting, but I think it is a good message that McGonagall is showing."

"We'll see how long it last, I bet you'll be surprised how easily people fall into their old ways," Ron shrugged, "I'll hope I'm wrong."

Luna shook her head, "you are, I think they're all going to be different. Look at how much Draco has changed..." She smiled, "he's really excited for this year."

"Are you and Malfoy friends?" Harry asked peering over at Luna.

She smiled while nodding, "oh yes, we're very good friends."

Harry hummed lifting his eyebrows, "interesting."

"He's a good guy, I'll introduce you two tonight," she grinned at Harry, "I mean I know you two know each other but..."

"I get what you're saying," Harry chuckled, "sounds good Luna. We were talking about befriending them, this will be easier with you already being his friend."

"Are you two like... dating?" Ron spoke up now, looking at her in question.

"Draco and I?" Luna laughed shaking her head, "he's gay, so I'm not quite his type."

"I'd say so," Ron flushed, embarrassed by the intimate information, and sat back taking Hermione's hand.

The four were carted up to the school, Harry still riding his high and his smile never fell. They all hurried off the carriage and up to the doors, Harry doing his best to ignore the acknowledgement that was being screamed at them on the sides and headed towards the Great Hall. The castle looked the same, despite everything, it was all the same. It was home.

How could Harry have dreaded coming back to this? This was his home. And as he thought that he came to a halt in the middle of the corridor, before them was a memorial. He froze his smile falling, his high dissipating immediately, and he stared straight ahead seeing it all.

It was almost like a flashback echoing in his mind. The screams, the yells, the pain, the spells, the rubble, the blood, the death...  _Give me Harry Potter and no one will die._ But they all died, all of them, because of his stupid pride. Because of his stupid, idiotic act of heroism that destroyed so much and took so many lives. How dare he risk their lives for the off chance of him living.

"Harry?" Hermione's voice broke through, she was growing nervous as she looked around trying to ignore the way everyone was stopping and looking at them. He blinked and stepped back, bumping into the people behind him, he jerked around and headed right back the way he had come. Losing himself in the crowed of the students, heading down the hallway to his right and running as soon as he was out of sight.

* * *

Harry was leaning over the railing of the Astronomy tower, his eyes closed as he thought back to that night almost two years ago. It was a dull ache in his chest right now as the wind whipped across his drunkenly hot face. It was flushed dark red and hot, the wind cold. He slugged back another drink, and wiped a tear away furiously.

He heard the door to the tower swing open and looked back towards it, waiting. He had a feeling it was Hermione. She never could stand him being alone, she always had to be apart of it - or maybe it was Ron just being worried about him. Or an elf looking for him by demand of McGonagall. He was sure he was missed at dinner, no question about that. He had a feeling there was a speech prepared, why wouldn't there be? He had read hundreds of them over the past two months in his mail, in the paper, heard them on the street when he did happen to go out. Heard five or six on the train.

 _Maybe it's a young couple..._ Harry thought to himself, turning back to the wind ignoring whoever or whatever was coming up the stairs. He could hear the footsteps on the stairs.

"Potter?" The voice on the other end made him freeze, he stayed still his back to the other and his hands growing numb, "Potter?"

He felt the hand on his shoulder and jerked around, ducking away from the grip, "what do you want?"

Draco shrugged, running a hand through is hair,  _blonde ha- that's not blonde._ Harry's eyes widened, staring at the young Malfoy who was talking but Harry wasn't listening. He was just staring.  _Pastel hair, gray eyes, whisky._

"Potter!"

Harry blinked, "h-hmm?"

"Are you drunk?"

Harry held his arm out towards the other, "want some?"

"No," Draco grimaced and stepped back, "everyone is looking for you."

"Lucky _you_  found  _me_ ," Harry answered, raising his eyebrows. He was happy - he'd blame it on the whisky.

"Is your lip pierced?" Draco asked, leaning forward slightly and peering at him.

"Is your hair pink?" Harry retorted, not so smartly, before leaning back against the railing and tilting his head back so the wind would blow against his hair.

Draco lifted his brow, "you do your thing then, Potter, I'll let them know you're alive."

Harry looked towards him, dropping his head and stepping away from the edge, "you can stay."

"What?"

"You can stay." Harry spoke up, his finger was tugging on his lip ring.

Draco stared uncertainly at Harry, pushing his fingers through his hair, "why are you up here?"

"It's quiet," Harry answered, "not many like the hike."

The Slytherin didn't know what to say, he looked around the area and then back at Harry, "did you eat anything?"

"No," Harry was staring at Draco and it was making the other uncomfortable which was going unnoticed by the raven haired boy, who was doing his best to memorize the blonde hair that was turned pastel pink with streaks of blue, purple and green in it. It looked odd, but it was sexy. It was probably the most sexy thing Harry had ever looked at. Draco Malfoy with rainbow pastel hair. "I have to say Malfoy, I love your hair."

"Thanks, Potter," Draco answered his eyes narrowed as he looked at him.

"It's... cute, like really cute." Harry was walking towards him now, and Draco was backing up. That was until his back hit the railings that encased the large telescope behind him, Harry stopped a breath away from him and reached out. One tan arm stretched to run his fingers through Draco's hair. Draco stood still and quiet, and when Harry touched him he gasped quietly, "Malfoy, I want to kiss you."

"Wh-what?"

"Or you can kiss me. I don't care," Harry shrugged, tan fingers combing through the soft delicate hair, "I just want to taste you."

"I think you're drunk Potter, and we should go."

"I am drunk, but I also know what I want." Harry's voice was soft, quiet, and he leaned forward towards the Slytherin who was looking positively scared, "is that okay?"

Draco's eyes moved from Harry's to his lips and back again, before shutting his own and leaning in. Pale hands against tan face, he cupped his cheeks and held him still while his lips moved against the others. Harry practically melted, his hands came out gripping the railing that Draco was backed against and his legs shook before giving away with a moan. Sinking down and right out of Draco's hands.

Draco blinked, pulling back, he was scared as to what happened and looked down at Harry who was on his knees on the ground, red faced and eyes closed while his fingers slid over his lips, "Potter?"

Harry flashed his eyes open and looked up at Draco with a wide smile, "I've never been kissed like that before Malfoy," Draco almost laughed, but remained stoic as he stared down at Harry. "Can I have another?"

"Are you going to keep your feet this time?"

"No promises," Harry spoke honestly, climbing to his feet again. Draco reached out and took him by the hips, turning the two around so Harry was pressed to the railing, "this'll help," Harry mused his eyes wide and wild as he watched him.

Draco smirked, and without warning he took Harry's lips again. Hips pressed to hips he pushed Harry against the railing, and his hands ran over his face. He dragged his pale thumb over Harry's cheek and his long slender fingers pushed through the dark hair pulling him closer, his tongue sliding against Harry's bottom lip before sliding in to taste him.

He tasted of whisky and nothing else and Draco almost pulled back with a grimace but stopped the moment he heard Harry moan. The moan shook through his whole body, he felt rough hands on his arms gripping him tighter and hips rubbing against his own. Draco's whole body was being vibrated by Harry and he couldn't ask for a better feeling in the world.

When he finally pulled back Harry was letting out pants, slumping against the railing his eyes still closed and his tongue sliding across his lip. Draco watched him carefully, never adverting his eyes as he watched him, now  _he_  wanted more. He reached out and tilted Harry's head up by the chin, their eyes meeting, "is this what all that anger has been hiding?" Draco asked while sliding his thumb along Harry's lips.

He could feel him swallow, and nod, "I could do that forever," their eyes stayed lock and serious as they held onto each other when finally Harry stood up straight his breathing better under control, "could we?"

Draco chuckled, his smile hidden in the shadows that were falling from the moon, "seems we might have other obligations Potter."

"Fuck 'em," Harry shrugged, leaning towards his new found companion, "or me."

Draco blinked, a bit taken aback by Harry's statements and found himself pulling back, "Potter, we should head back."

"Oh, just one more, please, and I'll do anything you want Malfoy."

One perfectly arched brow leaned right back in, lips on lips for another kiss. Harry gaining some confidence pushed his hands through Draco's hair giving the locks a tug while Draco wrapped his tongue around the other's. Their mouths moved in sync, just as Harry's hips ground against his own once again. The Gryffindor was more than obvious with his intentions and Draco found he didn't mind all that much, he rather liked the feeling which was quiet obvious with him going back in for a third time.

Harry groaned and gripped him tighter, pulling him against his own hips, "mmpeas," He moaned into his mouth, trying to talk without pulling back, he didn't want it to end.

Draco pulled back anyway, "what?"

"More," Harry shook his head, latching on to him, pressing his lips anywhere he could touch.

Draco felt his heart swell a moment, running his fingers through the dark hair, "come now, Potter, you need to eat and sleep."

"But Malfoy..."

"No buts, you said, 'one more and I'll do anything you want'." Draco's voice was softer, softer than Harry had ever heard it before, "and I want you to join me downstairs, back at our commons for some rest."

"Join you? Like y'know...  _with_ you?" Harry was leaning against Draco while the other walked, his arms thrown around the taller, slender frame.

Draco grunted doing his best to hold Harry up, "Merlin you're built."

"I am," Harry agreed, speaking openly, "anyway,  _with you_?"

"A bit odd, isn't it?" He asked doing his best to keep his footing as he all but carried Harry down the stairs.

"Maybe," Harry leaned against him, "I mean, fuck 'em though."

"This is a different side of you, Potter."

"What?"

"You being this guy, it's different."

Harry hummed, seeming to think it over, "I guess it is, no one sees me much anymore."

"What do you mean? You're on the front page of every paper and magazine in the wizarding world - practically."

Harry rolled his eyes and grabbed the railing slowing the two down, "they know what I'm doing but they don't see me."

"Oh," Draco was quiet after that, he knew that feeling. More than anything did he know that feeling, from Harry Potter even - but it was painfully obvious the two of them were both at fault there. They were finally on the ground floor and Draco righted Harry before pulling the door open, Harry kept hold of Draco still. Hands gripping the fabric of his button up and Draco slipped his arm around Harry's waist still supporting him.

"Can we get there without going by the memorial?"

"Yes," Draco answered without questioning it, and walked them the long way around leading the way to the middle of the castle on the third floor where a wide, empty-looking painting hung. "Calamander," Draco spoke at it, and a path appeared. Cobble stone before the painting swirled and opened in a hole.

Harry was quietly humming as he kept his grip on Draco Malfoy. He had no intention of letting the blonde go, and he may regret it in the morning but he didn't care because right now it was nice. It was a warm embrace from a person he had been staring at for years.  _Pastel hair, gray eyes and whisky._

One thing a Malfoy was good at, at least, was faking confidence. Granted he didn't have to do that much, Draco was always confident and even now as he carted the drunk, fumbling, Harry Potter through the portrait he was seeping real confidence. He was nervous, he was terrified he was going to get hexed the moment he came in but he could fake that it didn't bother him what everyone was going to say. He could fake he didn't care, he could fake he wasn't nervous. Harry was keeping true to his sentiment, 'fuck 'em' and Draco couldn't figure out if that was just who this new Harry was or if this was because he was drunk and he didn't have the restrain anymore.

Draco kept his composure as both Hermione and Ron came running to him, one with a worried look and the other with a glare, "Harry?!"

"What," Harry asked while rolling his eyes, he was annoyed he had to look away from Draco who was leading the two of them in.

"A-are you okay?" Hermione started and reached towards him, cupping his face.

" _We_ are eating," He wore a smile as he said it, and his hands grasped Draco tighter.

"What?" Ron quirked a brow in question, looking over at Draco who was still leading them in towards the fireplace.

"Not you and I," Harry groaned, "Malfoy and I." The way he spoke it was like an insult, but not directed at Draco. It was directed at Ron. Like he should feel bad he wasn't invited to eat with Draco and himself and the way he said it made it clear no one else was invited either. It was a Draco and Harry thing. Period.

"Is he drunk?"

"I found him this way," Draco answered the question, setting Harry down with a sigh, "you bruised me Potter, get off."

Harry released his hands immediately, his eyes still trained to Draco, "where was he?" Luna spoke up this time, leaning over the back of the couch.

Draco looked down at Harry then over to Harry's friends, "out by the lake." He had a feeling Harry wanted to keep the Tower a secret so the lake was a better option, he could lie. He then snapped his fingers and took his seat next to Harry, a house elf appearing almost simultaneously, "he didn't eat dinner, can you bring us some?"

Harry was leaning into the couch, staring at Draco and unscrewing his decanter about to take a sip when Hermione reached out for it, "I think you've had enough Harry."

"I think you're not my mother, Hermione," he answered and jerked it back from her before taking a sip.

Ron frowned and gave Hermione a sad look, "you okay, mate?"

"There is a difference in being drunk and not okay, Ron."

Draco glanced over, smirking, until he saw both Hermione's and Ron's face while Harry took a long drink effectively ignoring them, "what _if_  that's enough, Potter?" He asked and held his hand out, "not a suggestion." He added when Harry started to grumble.

Harry handed it over, and slid off the couch to the coffee table, "next time you do what  _I_  say." He spoke to the blonde, sitting on his butt and looking at the food before him with disgust.

Draco put the glass flask in the pocket of his jacket unable to stop the thought that popped into his mind,  _next time?_ , "what's he mean, Malfoy?" Hermione asked hurriedly, "you did something to him? Cursed him? Hexed him? Slipped him something?" Her voice was growing as she accused the other with a pointed finger.

"Hardly," Draco shifted, "not my style, Granger." Harry was picking at the food in front of him, still ignoring the others around him, "I found him drunk, okay? I asked if he had anything to eat today - big shock he hasn't, so I told him we were coming inside to get him some food."

"Since when do you care about anyone else?" Hermione continued, still pointing at him with a glare.

"I guess when we  _all_ almost died, now go away I'm getting a headache."

"Once a prat, always a prat," Ron sneered and the two moved away, not far, but at least they weren't talking anymore.

Draco and Luna shared a look, she was still leaning over the back of the couch, "you okay Drake?"

"I'm fine, he isn't though." His voice was quiet as he glanced at the other who was still pushing the food around with his fork, "I think something is really wrong with him."

"He'll be fine," she answered, "he has great friends - a little worrisome and coddling, but they are still great friends and he has you now right?"

"Has me?" Draco shook his head, "he's drunk, tomorrow he'll hate me again."

"I doubt that," Luna answered with a chuckle, "I seriously doubt that."

Harry turned around, "okay done."

"You didn't eat anything."

"It's making me sick," Harry pouted, his eyes wide and his lip pushed out.

Draco leaned towards him, "are you always a baby, Potter?" He asked while looking at the other, "it's your fault anyway, you shouldn't have drank that much so you could eat."

"I didn't plan on eating to be fair."

"I can tell..." Draco's eyes were trailing from his face down his body and Harry looked down as well.

"What do you mean?"

"I can tell you haven't been eating, is all," Draco shrugged, "you need to take care of yourself, Potter."

Harry stared at Draco quietly, tilting his head to the side and he then he turned around and started eating. Luna cleared her throat gathering Draco's attention again, "so, he has you."

"Why me?"

"Who knows? Luna shrugged, "something sweet about you, Draco Malfoy, taking care of the broken savior."

Draco frowned, wrinkling his nose, "I think he just needs someone that doesn't treat him like  _Harry Potter._ "

"Me too," Luna leaned forward and kissed the blonde on the forehead, "good luck with him tonight, I'm going to bed."

"Oh thanks," Draco muttered, "I get Tweedledee and Tweedledum too." Luna's eyes rolled before she flounced off, Draco watched her go with a smirk - she was odd but Merlin was she honest and insightful? He jumped when he felt a pressure on his knee and looked down to see Harry's cheek pressed to it eyes closed wearing a smile.

Hermione and Ron shared a look then their eyes turned to Draco who was doing his best to avoid their looks, "you found him like this, Malfoy?" Hermione spoke up, edging forward slightly.

"I highly doubt tonight is the first time he's been this drunk, Granger."

"Me too," she answered softly, frowning deeply, "why you?"

"I've been asking myself that question since I stumbled upon him..."

* * *

Harry woke with a quiet groan, his whole body ached and his head throbbed. He laid back on his back unmoving and stretched his arms up, oh how he loved this feeling. This feeling meant there wouldn't be any unwelcome memories floating into his mind all morning - at least until noonish, which by one he would be drinking. It would be alright.

He could hear people moving around him and pushed up off the bed, he welcomed the nausea that coursed through his body burping quietly,  _ehh._ He scanned the area, happy to find he was practically unnoticed by everyone else. The beds were in a half moon, ten beds facing a mirror it seemed then Harry realized the mirror was another half moon of ten beds. Each bed was color coded by houses he noticed. 4 red, 4 green, 4 yellow, 4 purple, every four started the cycle over again so everyone was sleeping next to someone from a different house. In the open middle was a heater, and a few chairs.

Harry looked around the room, he saw the stairs that lead down to the commons and saw there were 6 doors off the circular room which from the sight of Ron coming out of one with a towel around his waist told him they were bathrooms.

"'Arry," Ron spoke up suddenly and hurried towards him, "you okay mate?"

"Yeah, fine, why?" Harry was sitting up now, and digging through his trunk for clothing.

"I mean you feel okay? I got a hangover cure if you want."

"No," Harry shook his head, "I'm fine, barely even have one." He lied, this might have been the worst he had ever had but he liked it this way. "I'm gonna take a quick shower, I'll meet you guys at breakfast."

"Sure," Ron nodded, "oh hey, do you remember last night?"

Harry did, he remembered everything. Every detail. Especially every Draco detail. "Oh, yeah why wouldn't I?"

"You were pretty pissed y'know."

Harry chuckled, shrugging, "blessed with a clear mind, I guess."

"Hey, you okay though? You know if you need anything we can talk anytime, right?" Ron asked, "I'm sorry I haven't expressed that more, I just figured you knew, I'm here anytime mate."

"Thanks," Harry stepped around him and hurried towards an open bathroom. When he finished getting cleaned up he grabbed his jacket off his bed - the 8th years didn't have to wear robes, McGonagall wanted them to feel like guest rather than students. They were equals in her eyes, her letter had said over the summer to each of them. Adults, adults who had risked their lives for the world, they were welcomed as equals to get the degree they had been denied.

Harry was a-okay with that, he slipped the leather jacket into place, grabbed his book bag and wand and hurried down the stairs. He was one of the last to leave the new dorms and found Hermione and Ron waiting for him in the commons, "oh, I kept you two waiting?"

"It's okay," Hermione shrugged, "that's a nice jacket, Harry, look's good."

"Thanks," Harry chuckled, "anyway, ready?"

The three headed out to the Great Hall and as they headed down the stairs Harry suddenly remembered the memorial and stopped on the bottom stair he felt the panic set in, "I'll be right after you guys," he called to the two, "I forgot my wand." His lie was easy and he turned and headed back up the stairs before they could say anything, glancing over his shoulder when he got to the top seeing they had disappeared into the Great Hall.

"Figured you'd find a way to avoid it," Draco said as he approached the other, "c'mon, the door on the left doesn't go by it."

Harry swallowed nervously as he looked at Draco, even with sober eyes his hair was sexy, "thanks, Malfoy."

"Don't mention it," Draco shrugged and walked down the stairs glancing back to make sure Harry was following him, they went on the left and Draco held the door open for Harry, "I'll see ya around Potter."

Harry stepped towards him, watching Draco raise a brow, "what if I join you for breakfast?"

"Where? At the Slytherin table?" Harry bit his lip, dragging the ring into his mouth with a suckle as he nodded. "Going to eat?" Harry nodded again, his teeth tugging on the ring. Something Draco was learning the man played with his lips when he was nervous. "Sure," Draco lifted a shoulder and turned towards his table, leading the way to the Slytherin table. "Move over," he said as soon as he got up to Blaise and Pansy. Pansy scooted over and Draco sat next to her, Blaise did the same and Harry eased into the seat.

He wasn't sure how they were going to react, Draco was nervous himself mentally preparing to defend Potter should one of the two say something or anyone else around the table for that matter. Blaise picked up his coffee and took a big drink, clearing his throat as the silence grew, "how'd you sleep, Potter?"

"I don't know, dreamlessly." Harry shrugged, glancing over, "Zabini, right?"

"That's me," the Slytherin smiled, all his teeth showing, "most people call me Blaise, you're welcome to."

"Harry, then," the Gryffindor responded and reached out his hand.

Draco looked between them as the handshake stopped and over to Pansy when she whined, "Drakey, introduce  _meeeee._ "

"I doubt you need an introduction," Blaise rolled his eyes, "she's slept with practically everyone."

Pansy scoffed, "I'm a girl with a healthy sexual appetite!"

Harry chuckled, "Parkinson?"

Pansy pushed Draco out of the way, "since Draco is so rude," she started and thrust her hand forward, "Pansy Parkinson."

Harry took her hand, and grinned, "are you seeing anyone?"

"That's a little forward..." Pansy wiggled her brows, " and, I don't mind."

"Not me," Harry shook his head, "I'm gay..." He paused and cleared his throat, "that's the first time I've said it aloud." Blaise chuckled, Pansy pouted and Draco stared, "uh I got a friend... Neville Longbottom, he's a great guy. Attractive, real sweet and smart too, you might give him a talk was all I was going to suggest."

"Might I?" Pansy quirked a brow, "you're welcome anytime, Potter."

"Harry," he urged, "honestly, just Harry."

"Okay..." Pansy nodded, "Harry, we'll talk boys at lunch. I have to run up and grab my books." She blew a kiss to the three of them before jumping up and running off. Harry chuckled, and picked up his fork getting some food on his plate. Draco was sitting quietly, a little uncertain about what just happened and barely listening as Blaise and Harry discussed their classes.

_Did Potter just become friends with... Blaise and Pansy? Did...? What the fuck?_


	2. Intergrated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If they don't put me away, well it'll be a miracle..." - Jesus Christ, Brand New

 

* * *

Harry was standing with his shoulder pressed to the wall, his eyes scanning the window as he looked out among grounds. He was holding his flask in one hand sipping the drink and his other held a book he had propped open pretending to read. He could feel himself growing tipsy, he had been begging for the feeling all day. He wasn't able to place his regular flask, one that was engineered to never run out, so he was having to drink from his back up. One that was going to run out.

And soon if he wasn't careful.

"Harry?" Hermione called from behind and he glanced over, letting the lip ring fall from his teeth and raised his eyebrow. "Hey, what's up?"

"Reading," he turned and showed her the book, "you?"

"I was going to ask if you wanted to go to dinner with us?"

"Oh?" He looked down at his watch, "yeah, that's fine." He closed the book and slipped the flask into his back pocket before picking it up and carrying it with him.

"What is the book about?"

"For potions," Harry explained, "I don't have The Half-blood Prince to fall back on anymore." He explained, stopping to sign the book out before joining her on the walk, "so I figured I'd would get one to help me a bit, I have to get through this class to be an auror - don't I?"

"Still going to do that?"

Harry shrugged, "that's what they say." He was speaking dryly barely paying attention because all he could think of was the drink that was in his back pocket and how much he wanted it - and he'd rather have that thought than one that involved Snape dying which were pushing their way to the front since he had mentioned him.  _Fucking idiot._ He cursed at himself and glanced around taking in their surroundings, "left door." He said continuing to walk when she had turned.

Hermione raised her eyebrows, "what?"

"The left door," Harry answered again, "look at how many first years are over there." He lied as he walked, stopping to pull the door open for her.

"Oh, always observant," Hermione laughed walking in ahead of him, "Harry I was wondering..."

Harry looked over as he walked beside her, "hm?"

"I was wondering if.. I don't know, do you  _like_ Malfoy?"

"Oh," Harry chuckled, giving her a smile, "I do a bit - yeah. He isn't a bad bloke, I had breakfast and lunch with them today. Pansy is actually pretty funny."

"I meant as.. Are you gay?"

Harry raised his eyebrows, running his fingers through his hair, "yeah, I am. And I think he might just be my type." Hermione was quiet as they walked towards their table, the two of them ignoring the eyes, "I hate this place, now." Harry changed the subject, "I hate all of them."

"Harry!" She gasped in a quiet voice, giving him a look.

Harry blinked, taking a moment to realize the situation, "uh..." he cleared his throat, "I didn't mean literally, 'Mione, I just hate the staring."

Hermione sat next to him, "oh I understand that." She frowned, "I think they mean well."

"I'm sure," Harry shrugged, he was done with the conversation. He was done with all the conversations. He shouldn't have come to dinner, he didn't want to be here, "so anyway, classes, you liking them or whatever?"

And he knew that was enough to get her attention back to something else that wasn't him. Harry stared down at the plate before him half listening to her go on about the new professors, which was soon joined in conversation by Neville and Ginny and he was off the hook. He pushed the food around with his fork, and bounced his leg noiselessly under the table - each time his leg bounced he thought about the drink. The sounds around him were loud - the chatter, the conversations taking over the whole room. He tried to get lost in the noise of it but he couldn't.

All he could do was think about Snape. He saw the scene in his mind.. Snape laying on the floor of the shrieking shack, blood spilling from his neck, his own hands covered in it as he tried to stop the bleeding.

_"Come here. T_ _ake them... you have your mothers eyes."_

Harry shuddered, shutting his eyes. His hand was grabbing his fork so hard he could feel the metal bending between his grasp, the metal of it melding against his hand, his arm was shaking with the force.  _You have your mothers eyes. Take them. Blood everywhere._ Harry could taste it, the metallic taste of it against his tongue, his teeth grinding against his lip.

"Potter?"

Harry flashed his eyes open, blinking a few times to focus on reality. The room was still buzzing with everyone and their conversations, he could feel it, but it was white noise falling on deaf ears because all he could focus on now was Draco Malfoy.

The Prince of Slytherin was standing at the Gryffindor table, saying his name. Again. "Potter?"

"Malfoy!" He gasped out quietly, and started to stand up but Draco waved his hand, taking the seat across from him.

"Thought I'd return the favor."

"Wh-what?" Harry asked raising the eyebrow, "what favor?"

"Entertaining the hall at my expense."

Harry looked around as if noticing the stares for the first time which was a first in and of itself because he always noticed the staring. "Oh.." He chuckled and leaned against the table top, "how are you Malfoy?"

The man shrugged, "perfect of course, Potter," he raised a manicured blonde eyebrow, "eating tonight?"

Harry looked at his plate, his hand a little cramped from the grip he had on the fork which he dropped and sat back a bit, "no, I'm not hungry."

Draco leaned in careful to keep his shirt off the plate before him, "I can tell from the flush on your cheeks Potter, you've been drinking."

"Or..." Harry shot a wink across the table, "I'm just excited to see you."

Draco laughed shortly and sat back, picking up his own fork taking a bite of the dinner and ignoring the comment. Harry smirked and looked over the food, grabbing a piece of bread off the table and taking a bite. The eyes on them had died down - students still stealing glances, and the conversation had picked back up, when he took a bite of the bread he looked down in disgust the taste of blood was everywhere in his mouth.

"Your lip, Harry," Pansy said as she sat next to Draco, scooting right in without invitation.

_Oh yeah._ "Hey Pansy," he greeted her, wiping the blood off his mouth and took a quick drink before he continued eating.

"It's cute, not the blood... but the lip ring." She reached across the table, and slid her finger across his lip letting her index finger play with the metal ring a second, "I like it."

Hermione's eyes were narrowed as she watched this, before looking at Harry in question, but Harry was smiling and bit his lip after a second, "thanks."

"We didn't get to talk boys at lunch," she shrugged, reaching for a spoonful of potatoes, "Blaise is such a bloody drama queen."

"Was that what it was?" Blaise asked and Harry glanced over his shoulder scooting closer to Hermione and letting the man sit down, "if I recall right, you were too busy staring over at this table trying to find Neville." Draco groaned and Harry looked up curiously.

"Here we go," The blonde hissed under his breath and Blaise half stood looking around.

"Neville where are you?" He asked, his eyes scanning the table.

Harry watched as Neville perked up, looking at him. He was right next to Pansy, between her and Ginny, "hello?"

"Oh fate is mysterious," Blaise smiled, and pointed across the table to his neighbor, "she was looking for you."

"Oh?" Neville looked her over than over to Harry curiously.

"Neville, this is Pansy Parkinson, she is an 8th year Slytherin..." Harry introduced the two, "he's the cute, smart bloke I was telling you about."

The brunette girl didn't need anything else and her smile told Harry that as he tapered off, "hey, I'm Pansy..."

"I'm Neville," the boy took her hand, "Pansy like.. the flower?"

"Most people say it like an insult."

"They're mad," Neville exclaimed, "pansies are beautiful and often used as the flower for remembrance."

"Are they?" Pansy grinned, "tell me more." She added before taking a bite.

Harry chuckled, shaking his head, and caught sight of Draco's smile before the heir turned away, "how were classes Harry?"

"Fine," Harry turned towards Blaise when he asked, "how about yours?"

Blaise shrugged, "I don't know what I'm planning on doing after school, honestly, so I am taking all the basics. A couple electives."

"What electives?"

"Alchemy and Runes."

"I'm taking those too," Harry tilted his head, "probably the only two classes I even want to take honestly." He chuckled, and glanced down at his empty plate before reaching for a piece of chicken.

"Auror plans?"

Harry was picking at the baked chicken and looked over, "oh yeah, that's what they say."

"Oh?" Blaise nodded and took a bite, moving on.

"So Harry," Pansy interrupted and the raven haired boy looked up to see Neville blushing while taking a drink, her arm brushing against his, "going to introduce us?"

"How could I forget?" He joked and looked towards his friends that were sitting on his right, "Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley and Neville Longbottom - which you all just met. Hermione and Ron this is Pansy Parkinson and Blaise Zambini, my new friends. We met this morning over at the Slytherin table."

Ron shot a smile around, taking Blaise's hand and giving Pansy a wave, "how you guys doing?" He asked, Blaise taking that question and the two talked over Harry and Hermione. Hermione was scowling down at her plate without an ounce of interest in everyone else.

"Are we friends now?" Draco spoke up, looking right at Harry and once again it was the only thing Harry could focus on despite the conversations around him.

"I dunno, are we?"

"Do you want to be?" Draco asked with a head tilt, some of his multi color hair falling from the hold his hair gel had on them, Harry chewed on his lip rolling the ring with his teeth as he nodded. "Friends don't let friends go hungry, eat your food Potter." And Harry did just that.

The seven of them stayed at the table until the food disappeared and even after that until the house elves made them leave, they had all been doing course work. Blaise and Ron became fast friends, and even Blaise was able to get Hermione in on some of the conversation once she relaxed. Neville and Pansy were quick to hit it off, the two moving on through friendship to potential relationship in no time. Harry found it odd he felt so relaxed in this setting, he thought he should be feeling like Hermione did; tense and uncertain but he didn't. It was comfortable, falling into place like this he just felt so... normal.

There was something about the way Blaise smiled and was light hearted and Pansy was kind beneath all her walls which shone through in her eyes. He couldn't believe how he spent years listening to other people complain to him about these three and how that effected his idea of who they were. And Draco... How could he even describe Draco? The man was standoffish, but so was Harry, and on top of that he was attentive and honest, sweet too and Merlin could the guy kiss.

Now as they were all headed out the doors and up to their shared common room, they clearly having no intention of breaking apart as Hermione was now talking to Blaise about the Charms class and giving him some advice on the first lesson. Harry wasn't wasted, but he was still riding the high. He had been taking sips all night and though he thought it was unnoticed - Draco saw each one.

"I think I'll catch you guys later," Harry spoke up once they were on the stairs, "I left something in the library."

"Alright, mate," Ron smiled and turned with the four.

Draco stared after Harry, "where are you going?"

"The Astronomy Tower," Harry answered truthful, "I think I left my flask in there last night, this one isn't enchanted and runs out."

"You mean..." Draco paused and pulled out Harry's clear, glass and full flask, "this one?"

"You had it?" Harry reached out taking it from him, "how?"

"Last night after I took you back, you handed it to me." Draco shrugged, "I had forgotten about it actually."

"Oh thanks," Harry unscrewed the cap and took a sip visibly relaxing when the liquid slid down his throat, "thanks Malfoy."

"Sure," he shrugged, "I'll catch you later Potter, don't get caught." He added before heading off towards the commons. Harry watched him walk away and when he was alone in the middle of the stairwell he felt suddenly very small. The whole castle seemed to grow as he looked around spinning a slow circle. He felt like the last person standing, he felt alone. He felt more alone now then he had ever in his life.

He could see it all, all the death that had taken place. He could hear all the whispers circling his thoughts, the whispers that haunted his dreams.

_Kill the spare. Give me Harry and no one will die. Take them all... you have your mothers eyes. Harry Potter. Always. Only one shall live. All you have to do is give it to me, I can show you everything. Don't you want to know the secret of your scar?_

_Don't you want to know the secret of your scar?_

He looked down, his hands shaking and he unscrewed the flask taking a long drink. Closing his eyes but it only grew.

All the voices, and then he could hear Dudley in his ear,  _freak!_ He could feel his fist pounding against his body, his foot against his chest,  _this is good._ He thought, slugging back another drink. Tonight he would remember that.

Nothing else. No, nothing else. Not tonight. This would do. Pain.

_Punch. Pain. Kick. Pain. Punch. Punch. Punch. Pain. Kick. Kick. P-Pu-Pa-Pastel hair. Gray eyes. Whisky._

* * *

"Draco!" Blaise yelled, running into the dorms ignoring the grumbles from the few other sleeping students his eyes on the pale blonde who was still sleeping, "Draco!" He shook him roughly, "get up! It's Harry!"

Draco peeked his eyes open, and glanced to the bed that was next to his and saw it was empty. Empty and not slept in. "What?"

"It's Harry, c'mon!" Blaise was grabbing something that Draco couldn't see and then he jumped out of bed, jerking his wand off the top of his trunk while following Blaise - not bothering to grab a robe or anything. He didn't care, it was Harry. That is all that mattered.

Blaise hurried down the stairs, taking them two at a time and Draco followed closely behind coming into the empty common room, "where is he?" He asked as he looked around, expecting the mess of a man to be sitting in there crying? Or just really drunk? Or naked and running around? But he wasn't. It was empty except for Ron.

"Malfoy," Ron looked relieved as he stepped into view, "he's only asking for you."

"What's going on?" Draco demanded when the redhead turned away from him and lead the way out of the common's, Blaise following. "Blaise, what is going on? Where is Potter?" But no one answered, they just walked swiftly through the hallways, running down the stairwell and when they took the turn behind the stairwell Draco stopped.

He knew where they were going and he didn't want to go.

"No."

Blaise and Ron both stopped, looking at him, "he wants you, Malfoy," Ron answered, "he won't calm down, he just keeps saying your name."

"Tell me what's going on right now!"

Blaise swallowed roughly, and turned to look at his friend, "Draco, Harry is hurt. A lot."

"What does this have to do with me?"

"He wants to see you, Drake, he won't calm down. He hexed McGonagall.. he just wants you," Blaise's voice was quiet as he talked, his hands were shaking as he reached out for Draco, "he's completely trashed, dangerously so, it's like he doesn't even know who he is anymore. He's gone. And he's really hurt..." Blaise closed his eyes, "I don't know how to explain it?"

Ron shook his head, "I don't know I've never seen anything like this, he is messed up Malfoy."

Draco swallowed roughly and pushed past the two of them, walking towards the infirmary, pausing at the door when he saw Pansy and Hermione standing next to it McGonagall, Madam Pomfrey and Slughorn with them. But he didn't talk he just opened the door and walked in.

Harry was standing in the middle of the room, his back to Draco and he stood unmoving. Quiet.

"Potter?" Draco called out from the door, shutting it behind him.

"Go away."

Draco cleared his throat, "don't think I can do that, Potter. I heard you were asking for me."

"That's what does it, huh? Just me asking for you?" Draco almost laughed, but remained quiet, "I don't want you to see me like this."

"Like what?"

Harry lifted a shoulder, "like this."

"What's going on, Potter, no one will tell me anything."

Harry shrugged again, "does that bother you?"

Draco sighed, "I'm not playing this game with you Potter," he reached out and took the handle when a spell shot across the room and right into the door. He whipped around, his wand out ready to defend himself when he saw Harry. He wanted to gasp, to throw up.. but he couldn't give Harry that satisfaction. Or was it his own pride that he couldn't bruise? He didn't know anymore. He looked at Harry, standing still and quiet, only his eyes moved and they scanned his face.

"This isn't a game Malfoy!" Harry screamed, "this is my  _life_."

"This is my life too, Potter!" Draco roared back, his resolve breaking instantly, "you think you're the only one in the whole world going through this? You think you're the only one that got fucked up from the war?" Draco's voice was loud and cut through the silence.

"Oh fuck off Malfoy, you got off scot-free. I made sure of that."

Draco scoffed, "is this what it's like to owe Harry Potter a favor? Take me now then, because this isn't worth it."

Harry's laugh was quiet, hollow, and he looked to the side, "I don't need anyone Malfoy."  _Freak!_

"Oh I can tell," Draco snapped, "you're so warm and welcoming to everyone, it's like you're fine."

"I am fine!" Harry jerked his head,  _freak!,_  and looked back at him. His wand was pointed right at Draco and he glared, "I especially don't need you."  _You know the spell Harry, say it..._

"Do it," Draco sneered, crossing his arms against his chest, "go ahead, Potter, show the world how  _fine_  you are. Can't stop drinking, you bloody hurt yourself, ignoring your friends, hexing professors and what is it you're planning to do right now? Kill me? Curse me?  _Hurt me_?"

_Kill the spare._ Harry was shaking, his breath coming out in hot burst, "I'll do it!"

"Don't think there is a single thing you can do to me that hasn't been done before!" Draco answered and he showed his bare left arm, "I grew up in this life, Potter,  _that_  was misery. Because if it wasn't my father beating me or my mother touching me, my aunt had a go and Merlin did I  _love_ disappointing Voldemort because he always had a fun way of trying out things on all of us kids." Draco was shaking as he spoke, his voice going from a scream to a quiet whisper, "but that's okay you're the only one with problems, Savior-of-the-World, let us bow before him."

Harry blinked his wand dropping, not just his arm but his wand to the ground and he sunk down to his knees. Two wide green eyes staring up at Draco. There was blood everywhere. Harry was covered in it, from top of his head running down his face, his neck and some on his shirt. The whole left side of his face caked in it - some of it dried, some of still drying and some wet and fresh. Harry stared back, his teeth tugging across his lip. Draco approached him, walking out across the room only stopping when he was a little more than arms length away, "what did you do?" Draco asked quietly, he could smell the alcohol. It was so strong he could almost taste it and had to clear his throat to fight back the burn.

"I still hear him," Harry whispered, and he shut his eyes, "I still hear his voice in my mind, I want him out."

Draco stared at the cut that was slicing along the lightning bolt scar, "he's not here Harry. He's gone."

Harry stared up at the other, his eyes watering and he reached out for the paler one wrapping his arm around his legs and leaning towards him, his clean cheek brushing against the material of Draco's sleeping pants, "help me, Draco, because I can't do this alone."

Draco wasn't sure what to do so he stayed still and stroked Harry's hair, "first things first, we need to get the cut cleaned up." Harry nodded silently his grip tightening and that told Draco he wasn't going to let go anytime soon so he turned slightly and used his wand to open the doors to the infirmary.

When they entered it was like a wave, they were loud and worried and the 7 of them were hovering. McGonagall was staring with a frown sharing whispers with Slughorn, Hermione was knelt down with Madam Pomfrey who was cleaning Harry's injury and Blaise, Ron and Pansy were practically breathing down Draco's arm. The three of them staring in horror.

Draco was growing tense, but he stayed still, his hand never leaving Harry's hair and Harry never let go of his leg. His arm was wrapped around Draco tightly and his clean cheek was pressed to his leg with his eyes closed. Draco watched Pomfrey work; she moved quickly cleaning the cut and trying a few silent spells to close it up but it stared it's ugly head right back at them.

Draco was trying to avoid looking at the gaping wound, his stomach churning from the blood that continued to spill over the split skin. He couldn't imagine the pain Harry had to put himself through to do that, he couldn't imagine the pain Harry had felt to even want to do that. He couldn't imagine any of it, it made his body ache at just the thought. It made him sick. Draco drug his hand through Harry's messy wild hair, the Gryffindor was humming and seeming practically oblivious to the matter at hand as he clutched Draco's leg.

Draco and Pomfrey met each other's eyes, the older woman frowning deeply she had tears in her eyes as she and Draco shared the look. He understood the look, he understood all of it. "Potter," Draco said stepping back, the man almost falling forward startled by the sudden movement and he reached out for the blonde again. "Get up, we need to lay you down."

"Oh," Harry heaved himself off the ground, still reaching for Draco and ignoring everyone else. His friends were watching nervously, McGonagall was frowning - Pomfrey explaining the circumstance, "to bed?"

"That one," Draco nodded at one of the infirmary beds, "we have to do some muggle patch work." He explained trying to ignore the hand that was sliding down his arm to his own hand as they walked. Harry laid up on the bed, and as soon as his head hit the pillow he groaned softly, "you okay?"

"I don't feel so good," Harry admitted and reached up towards his head, Draco slapped his hand away with a glare.

"Don't touch your head," he instructed and pulled up the chair next to his bed.

Pomfrey was assessing the cut, "tergeo," she said and re cleaned the cut before numbing the sight and busying herself with quick wand work to stitch up over the scar, "you okay Mr. Potter?"

"A little sick," he whispered his eyes shutting as he talked, "I don't feel so good." He was squeezing Draco's hand tightly, and dragging his thumb over the other's palm, Draco was doing his best to ignore both his thumb and the self-inflicted scar. "It's gonna be there for a while, huh?"

"Magic doesn't heal dark cuts, dark magic, dark thoughts, Mr. Potter," she answered and held up the bandage wrap about to fit it over his head, "it'll be there forever."

"Draco," Harry waved her away.

She blinked and glanced to the Slytherin who sighed and jerked his hand from Harry's to stand, taking the bandages from her. She pulled the curtain close around them and Draco could hear her shooing the others out, while he unrolled the bandages, "I'm not helping you with this wound when you're sober," Draco spoke around the quiver in his voice.

"Blood make you queasy?"

"That amount of blood does," Draco answered, frowning deeply before moving his long cool fingers over Harry's head, the bandage falling into place.

"How bad is it?"

He ran his thumb over top of the bandage lightly, starting just past his temple and across Harry's forehead to stop just between his nose, "it's big and ugly, Potter, you shouldn't have done that."

Harry swallowed roughly, "I can hear him, Malfoy, I need him gone."

And then their eyes met and Harry relaxed, Draco bent slightly coming eye level with him, "c'mon, let's get you cleaned up." He nodded and gave Draco his hand, the Slytherin helping him stand. Harry was humming as he walked and Draco led the way up the stairs and through the hallways finally coming before the painting.

"We gotta stop meeting like this," Harry said suddenly and turned a wide smile to Draco who only rolled his eyes in response before giving the password to open the doors.

He nudged Harry in, and looked him over, "stop humming Potter, most people are asleep right now."

"Oh," Harry quieted down and held fast to Draco as if he was scared the other was going to leave him, he even hooked his arm around his waist, "okay."

Draco led the way up the stairs and stopped at a bathroom door, "I'll be right back," Draco sat him on the toilet, "don't do anything." He added, shutting the door behind him. Draco lit his wand and moved over to Harry's trunk digging through it for clothing coming up with boxers and a t-shirt.

"Put the light out!"

"Oh piss off," Draco sneered back, heading back to the bathroom. When he entered he almost left, the sight before him wasn't bad per say but it did startle him. Harry was standing naked, leaning against the wall and looking at the water, "what part of do nothing didn't you understand?"

Harry looked over his shoulder, his face, neck and chest clean of blood now, "I thought I'd start a shower. It's safe enough."

"Mmhm," Draco looked away, setting the clothing on the counter, "well hurry up, I'm tired. And don't get your head wet Potter."

"You could join? To help?"

"Maybe another time," Draco smirked, kinda enjoying the way Harry flushed.

He stepped into the warm water, "another time? I'm holding you to that Malfoy."

"M'kay," Draco answered and tilted his head back against the cool tile wall listening to Harry shower. He could hear the water dropping in heaps as Harry moved and heard the humming starting all over again. It didn't last too long and soon the water was off and Harry was stepping out, Draco did his best to keep his eyes trained forward not attempting a glance and getting caught. He was a Malfoy after all.

Harry dried and changed quickly, "okay, Malfoy, you can stop with the painfully obvious looking away."

"I wasn't." Draco answered quickly and looked over, "you are going to drink this before we leave this bathroom or we're not leaving."

"What is it?"

"A sobering potion," Draco answered, holding out the small bottle, "drink it."

Harry looked at him, frowning, "I don't want to."

"Then I guess we better get comfortable," Draco shrugged, relaxing back against tile wall.

"Why do I have to?"

"I said so."

"I like the hangover."

Draco looked down, raising his eyebrow, "what?"

"I like the hangover, it comes with a headache and a headache means I don't have to hear their voices."

"Well, you got me now, Potter," Draco answered and opened the bottle, "drink up."

"What does that mean exactly? I got you?"

Draco groaned quietly running his fingers through his multicolored hair, "Potter I'm exhausted, it's 3 in the morning we have classes in six hours... can we please talk about what that means when we wake up?"

Harry reached out for the bottle, "is it a good thing?"

"Do you want me?"

"Yes."

"Then I guess it is, drink it."

"You're so bossy Malfoy," Harry tilted his head back and drank the potion, almost grimacing the moment he swallowed it. Everything was clear, nothing was spinning or fuzzy. Everything was crystal clear. He looked at Draco blinking slowly, and felt a wave of emotion knock into him, staggering backwards his hand reaching out to grip the wall and steady himself, "I..."

"Tomorrow we can talk all you want," Draco whispered, and reached out a slow hand, "but right now we're going to bed." Harry nodded slowly and pressed up against the other, wrapping his arms around him tightly. He buried his face against his bare chest, Draco hugged him back before taking his hand and pulling him out of the bathroom.

* * *

Harry woke with a scream building that was quickly silenced by the stroke of a hand on his face, he opened two wide eyes and looked over to see Draco staring down at him with a deep frown, fingers trailing over his face, "you're alright Potter, just a dream."

"Just a dream," Harry whispered his eyes never once leaving Draco's.  _Pastel hair. Gray eyes. Draco._

Draco dropped his hand and rolled away from Harry, "get dressed Potter, we have classes in a few hours."

"How'd you know I was waking up?"

"You punched me," Draco explained, his hand covering his side where a red mark was, "other than that you slept like a baby."

"I-I'm sorry."

"You being sorry isn't getting dressed. C'mon, I am not waiting around for you lazy git." The Slytherin rolled his shoulders as he spoke and grabbed a set of clothing from atop his trunk before heading over to the bathroom where a Hufflepuff was making his way in, that was until Draco pushed him aside.

"Hey!"

"Hi," Draco shut the door on his face. Harry chuckled before sitting up his bed was right next to Draco's something he hadn't noticed yesterday and something that told him wasn't a coincidence, he dug through his trunk to find clothing - settling on a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and his jacket. He started running his comb through his hair and felt a tug when suddenly all of last night came crashing back around him.

Harry froze dropping the brush and walked over to a mirror with wide eyes, looking at the bandage around his forehead.  _I'm not helping you with this when you're sober,_ came into his mind. He was reaching up to undo the wrap when Draco approached. The pastel haired angel had an untied tie around his neck, and a white button up that covered his arms. He grabbed his bag off the ground to shoulder it, "alright Potter, Blaise said everyone was waiting on  _you_  for bre- don't. Don't touch it."

"Shouldn't I change the bandage?"

"Go see Pomfrey before classes but don't do it yourself." Harry nodded, dropping his hand, "Blaise said they're waiting on us, c'mon."

Harry gave an annoyed look and grabbed his own bag off the ground, "okay."

"What was that look for?"

"I don't know, nothing," Harry shrugged and started walking away, that was until Draco came around and stood in front of him.

"The only way any of this works, Potter, is if you're honest."

"It's not that... it's just embarrassing."

"What?" Draco raised a brow, "like, what you did?"

"No..." Harry groaned, "I just wanted us - because I wanted to talk."

"Oh Merlin," Draco huffed and turned around.

"See!" Harry pleaded running after him, the two happened upon the others waiting around the fire place. Hermione and Ron were leaning against each other, Pansy was perched on Neville's lap and Blaise was reading a paper of notes.

"Let's go," Draco called not bothering to stop as Harry hurried after him, the others quickly falling behind.

Harry grabbed for Draco, who ignored this by side stepping him, "oh c'mon Malfoy, what was it you just said?"

Draco gave a sneer, "Potter, shut up."

"What's going on?" Blaise asked, sliding up towards them and away from the couples behind him.

"Draco won't talk to me now," Harry sighed, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets.

Blaise arched a brow, "find that hard to believe the man _did_  sleep with you."

Harry couldn't help but flush, and turned away a second, "I said something embarrassing... and now he won't talk to me."

"Oh come off it," Draco shook his head, "you're just one of those gu- those  _people_ that like to have conversations about everything."

Harry scoffed, "like most people, Malfoy!"

"Not him," Blaise shook his head, "Draco prefers to just go about life, not having conversations and controlling it."

"Then how are we supposed to talk about that  _stuff..._ " Harry made motion at his head, "and last night, like you said we would if you don't talk?"

"That's a different conversation, Potter, that's about you. Not, you and me."

"So there is a him and you, huh?" Pansy asked having come up closer, sliding through the doors after them.

"No, there isn't." Draco hissed, "there is a Harry Potter and a Draco Malfoy and not a Harry and Draco."

"That's oddly confusing," Ron chimed in, "I mean there's a something - you did sleep with him last night."

"Thank you!" Blaise clapped Ron on the shoulder with a big grin.

Draco turned around, glaring at all five of them, "there is about to be five seriously injured students if they don't shut up."

"Oh come on Drake," Pansy giggled, "chill out, you know we're just teasing you." She reached out and fixed his hair, then grabbed Neville's hand and the two started towards the Gryffindor table.

"And if you think we're sitting over here every stupid bloody meal," Draco continued, "just because there are more of you - you're wrong."

"Why do you think you have to sit with us, if there isn't a  _you and him_  to worry about?" Hermione answered smartly, following after them with Ron in hand.

Ron and Blaise laughed loudly, "nice one Hermione."

"Oh, I hate her," Draco scowled, stomping along. Harry stood at the door smiling, Draco may say there is nothing. There is no him and he, but Harry hadn't seen Draco that passionate and red faced in a long time... "C'mon Potter!" Draco added, snapping his fingers at Harry who laughed and ran to catch up.

They only had a few classes together, Harry and his new friends. Where Ron, Hermione and him were in nearly every class together. Blaise, Pansy and Draco were only in a few of the same ones. Blaise, Draco and him shared Alchemy and Ancient Runes, and all six of them shared DA, Potions and Transfiguration.

And right now they were all crammed around a rectangular table in Potions, with three cauldrons brewing. Slughorn had suggested pairs of two to work through the list of potions that were on the O.W.L.s, naturally Ron and Hermione paired off and Blaise had sat with Draco, so Pansy scooted over to Harry.

"I suck." She greeted him, "but no problem for you, right Harry? You were a prodigy our 6th year."

"A prodigy?" Ron rolled his eyes, "nice laugh, the man can't brew for shit. You two are fucked."

"Language," Hermione chided as she set her cauldron up.

"Well, they are!"

Pansy pouted, "Drakey, please trade with me!" She whined as she stood up heading around towards him, "I don't want Harry and I to fail!"

Harry smiled, leaning against the table with his chin propped up. Draco glanced over, "I don't want him if he's that bad."

"Uh!" Harry gasped, "I'm not  _that_ bad, I just need coaxing."

"Not helping your case, mate," Blaise smirked and slung his arm around Pansy, "I like you more than Draco, Pans, he's an asshole to work with."

"I am not!" Draco snapped, but jerked his head as if to call Harry over. "I just like things done a very specific way, and you don't like to do them that way Blaise."

"Asshole."

Draco let out an annoyed sigh, and grabbed one of the copies of the list off the table reading through the 15 or so of them, "we have to brew all of these for our OWLs?" Harry asked with a deep sigh, leaning against the table as he looked at the list over Draco's shoulder.

"No," Hermione shook her head gathering his attention, "we'll brew Draught and Liquid Luck - more than likely. At least Draught for sure, it's always on there. The others we will need to know the properties of, ingredients, all the specifics of them and they will set up questions as if you were doing it what would you do next, or do different, or how would you save it...? That's all."

"Oh, yeah,  _that's all_ ," Harry grumbled and picked up his wand tapping his cauldron as it set up, "well, what's first?" He asked, peering at the list.

"An invisibility potion," Draco answered setting the list down as Harry opened his book and glanced over at it, "that's not the course book."

"Oh I know," Harry put his hand on the page, "I found it in the library, it's about Potions like their properties and the stuff Hermione was explaining, I figured since I am bad at the course I would need some extra help."

"Oh," Draco looked at him with a raised brow,  _he... is so bloody sexy. Self improvement is absolutely stunning on you Harry Potter._

"What?" Harry asked with a sigh, "I know, it's dorky. Whatever."

"I.. It's fine," Draco nodded, "a good idea."

"Thanks Malfoy," Harry muttered through his blush, his mood swing coming and going like a drop of a hat, and turned back to the page reading the passage while Draco got his own book out to get a look at the ingredients. "Okay," Harry said after a minute, pushing the book away, "I got two hands and a eyes to read with - what do we need?"

Draco looked over, he had been slightly hunched over the book with his left leg bouncing as read the list, "I'll get the ingredients, Potter." He then got up and walked away leaving Harry with Ron and Blaise.

"Oh, you weren't joking..." Harry said looking at Blaise.

"No," he shook his head, "when it comes to potions, Draco is the one and only for his. You won't ever do much after the first time you mess up."

"I haven't even messed up yet!"

Blaise shrugged, "you'll figure it out."

Draco came back and placed the things on the table, "okay we put the ones we use last nearest you and the ones we use first closest to me," he explained while setting them on the table, "but these three we will have to mix prior and add slowly so make sure to note that, Potter," he continued while pulling his knife out.

"Okay," Harry took his quill and scribbled on the paper almost word for word what Draco said, "mix prior and add slowly'..." he dropped his quill and pulled out his knife, while looking at the book seeing they needed fine cuts of whatever root was laying in front of him.

"Actually..." Draco started reaching out to pick it up, "I can cut, I don't mind."

"Draco," Harry groaned, "I am capable of things, okay."

"I know you are, I just... well how about you get the potion started? It's just the syrup and stiring counter clockwise for three minutes."

"Oh that's boring," Harry grumbled and picked up the syrup, he poured it into the cauldron and got the stir stick doing as Draco said - counter clockwise. Three minutes. The blonde finished before much more than 45 seconds had passed and he was staring over Harry's shoulder, "Draco," Harry started, "I was wondering."

"No."

Harry sighed and looked over his shoulder at Draco with a grumble, "please."

"Later," Draco answered, "now pay attention to the potion or you're done." Harry smiled and looked back at the potion,  _oh Draco, you controlling man._

* * *

Harry was perched on the edge of his seat, hands gripping the table tightly. He wanted out, he wanted a drink and he wanted it now. He felt like he was dying. His whole entire body was throbbing, he was focusing so hard on what Professor Theery, the new DA Professor, was saying that he wasn't paying attention. This was the worst idea he had had after the war. Coming back into this room. He could just imagine Snape standing there teaching, he could practically hear his voice which meant it was all he could hear and that voice was turning into thoughts.

_Your father was a jerk. A bully. Take them... You have your mothers eyes. Always. You're just like your father. How amazing it is to be the boy-who-lived, to just **know.**_

_You. Have. Your. Mothers. Eyes._

Harry's teeth ground down against his lip, ripping the scabbed over skin off painfully, his lip ring sliding through the hole. He slid his tongue over the blood.  _T_ _ake them. You have your mothers eyes._

"Mr. Potter, perhaps you know this one?" The silence that followed echoed in the classroom as all eyes turned to Harry, who was staring straight ahead very obviously not paying attention, "Ah, see, it was such a boring topic I've managed to lose Mr. Potter," the Professor started talking nervously shuffling through his papers and glancing around.

"Harry!" Hermione whispered urgently, shaking him.

"Take them!" Harry gasped out, a few of the other students shared curious looks before glancing back at him. Harry looked to Hermione ignoring the whispers, "wh-what?"

"Professor Theery asked you a question."

_Oh._ He looked over at the tall man, "yes, sir?"

"It was boring," he started apologizing to Harry, "it was stupid, really. I was only trying to get an understanding for how much my students knew - I know your last few years were traumatic. I mean I don't have to tell you this." He cleared his throat and looked around with a deep frown, "forgive me, Mr. Potter, I'll continue with my lesson."

"Forgive you?" Harry shifted in his seat, and leaned against the desk top, "Professor," he spoke up and Theery froze looking at him in question, "what was the question?"

"I was inquiring about horcruxes - I figured they would be a good topic to start on, seeing as they are what fueled you-know-who."

"I'm aware," Harry answered stiffly. He had been prepared to back Professor Theery but now he wanted to leave. Even more than he did before, his hand shook and he gathered it in a fist to hide it under the table. "What about them?"

"I was asking if you knew how many he had?"

"7."

"No, it was si-." Theery flushed a dark red stopping immediately, and looked around the silent room.

Harry was practically quivering in his seat. He couldn't remember the last time he wanted a drink as bad as he did now.  _Give me Harry Potter and no one will die..._ Harry jerked his head, stretching his neck, "sure, six." The room grew stale and Harry pushed his chair back, wood scraping against the concrete floor, "Professor do you mind if I use the bathroom?"

"Go ahead," Theery answered in a quiet tone. Harry gathered his books off the desk, and shoved them in his bag before shouldering it and turning out of the room.

Draco was tense watching Harry leaving the room was the hardest thing he had to do in a long time. He could see the other shaking, his whole body was basically one big quiver and it took everything for him to keep his seat and not follow after him. He perched himself on the edge of his chair waiting for the rest of the tense and awkward lesson to finish, not even bothering to listen. He couldn't tell you what was talked about or more importantly what the lesson even was - he just wanted out. He wanted to find Harry and make sure he was okay.


End file.
